Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize