So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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