I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
