it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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