I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How does it feel to date your dad?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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