So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize