Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
