Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
