To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
