I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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