and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
