i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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