my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
