A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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