I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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