i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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