I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Someone came in the potted fern
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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