im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
