A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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