so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
