I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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