They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
