he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
