Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
