I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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