it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just had sex on a roof
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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