Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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