just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
