You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize