it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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