I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My vagina is officially offended.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
