maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
