It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
