Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
