you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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