im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize