I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
