Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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