4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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