something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
