I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
