I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
