I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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