i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
