how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize