Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
