The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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