My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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