In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize