hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
