Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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