im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
only you would photoshop your dick
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
