I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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