The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
