i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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