does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
