people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
