i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
