I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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