Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
