chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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