You can't special order awesome
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
