On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
