I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Randomize
