she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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